Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
