So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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