My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
