i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
