You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
