So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there's paper in my vomit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
