When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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