I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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