Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
