We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
