if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
