Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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