I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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