it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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