The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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