there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.