Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now