she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything