Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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