You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
