a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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