i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
