i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
3 2 1 whiskey
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
