Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
