While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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