Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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