Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize