I think scott just propositioned me for sex
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
