Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
