she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
