Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.