TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
