Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
