i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize