He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
