Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
