I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
