Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
