I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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