i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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