they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
