I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You need a sexual gate keeper
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
