failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
