My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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