he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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