I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
