i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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