Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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