Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
