Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The ass gains better be worth it
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