At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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