just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
