he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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