Don't make out with my wife yet
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
