Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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