So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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