I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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