Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
