So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
