Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Of course I have a pirate flag
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
