yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We have started to decorate penises.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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