Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
